By Your Side
by debster35
Summary: Johnny doesn't know what to do or who to turn to for help.  Can his best friend Ponyboy be the answer to all of Johnny's problems


**So, this idea just came to me while listening to By Your Side by Tenth Avenue North. This is a one shot. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders. S.E. Hinton does. I also do not own By Your Side, Tenth Avenue North does.**

_Why are you striving these days?  
>Why are you trying to earn grace?<br>Why are you crying?  
>Let me lift up your face.<br>Just don't turn away…_

Why is it so hard for them to like me? Is it something I did? Why can't they love me? I have done everything they've asked of me, but it doesn't seem to be enough. Would they be happier if I got down on my knees and bowed to them? Personally they don't deserve it, but it seems that if I could just please them once, they'll care. Am I not what they expected? Hey, sorry I couldn't be handsome and gorgeous like the people on the big screen, but I mean, I'm not terrifyingly ugly…am I? Did I cry too much as a baby? Is that why? Please, anything to help me figure it out! I will do whatever to be what you want me to be, please…

I could hear footsteps behind me in the grass. I turned and saw Ponyboy make his way over to where I was in the lot. The sun had already gone down about an hour ago, and I was now lying in the grass looking up at the stars.

"Hey, Johnny, how's it goin'?"

"It's goin', okay, I guess."

He sat down next to me and I could feel him watching me look up at the stars. He's so lucky. He has his brothers to love him. I do feel though that sometimes his parent's death still lingers in his mind. Then I know I can always be there when he wants to talk. I've talked to him about what's been going on in my life, but I feel I talk and talk and talk and I'm wasting his time. But this is really bugging me…

"Johnny, is something wrong?" Pony asked lying down on his side to look at me. I hesitated then looked over at him. I could just make out his face from the street lights. He looked concerned and at the same time calm. Like he was knew what was coming. But he didn't look annoyed at all; if he was he didn't show it. "Come on Johnny, you can tell me. I'm here to listen."

I took a deep breath and turned over to my side to face him. "I…I don't know what to do."

_Why are you looking for love?  
>Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough?<br>To where will you go child?  
>Tell me where will you run?<br>To where will you run…_

I told him everything I've been wondering. He just sat and listened. He didn't gaze off into the night or mess with the grass, he barely moved. He watched me intently with his green eyes.

When I finished I took a deep breath and looked up at him. He sat up and stared across the lot. I waited for him to say something, but he just sat there.

"Pony, hey, you there?" I asked waving my hand in front of him. He turned his head and looked me in the eyes.

"Johnny, you shouldn't have to change for someone so they like you. I'm surprised that you're even worried about how you look. And you shouldn't have to kiss their feet for them to love you. You've got the gang, we're here for you. Johnny, you are more than what your parents think of you. We all love you for who you are."

I sat there speechless. I didn't know Pony was that frustrated with me. He didn't even let me say anything before he continued.

"What's going to happen if you change so drastically for them, but they still don't care? And you've changed so much that we don't even know who you are anymore? Johnny, you are a great person. It's not your fault that they can't see that."

I took it in, all of it and it hurt.

_And I'll be by your side,  
>Wherever you fall,<br>In the dead of night,  
>Whenever you call,<br>And please don't fight,  
>These hands that are holding you.<br>My hands are holding you._

"I don't know if I can take much more of it though Ponyboy. It's taken over my life and I don't know what to do! I can't figure out why they hate me!" I blurted out before I could stop myself. I felt like the monster that was inside of me had finally been yanked out. But what was left was pain.

"Johnny…" Pony began, but I cut him off.

"No, Pony, I don't want that "it's not your fault" crap! I've heard it before and I've been hearing it. I don't want just words, I want actions. I want to do something about it. What if it really is my fault? What if it's possible that I could've done something wrong to bring them to hate me so much?" I took a deep breath and I did something I haven't done in a long time. I cried. I let it spill out and I didn't try to stop it. Pony put his arm around my shoulders and tried to calm me down.

"Johnny, I'm here I will always be here for you. And I know I've said this but you know our doors always open to you. It honestly bothers us that you feel like you're a burden, because you're not. You're like a brother to us and we would do anything for you. We will always catch you when you fall and we won't let go."

He squeezed my shoulder and I started to calm down. I could feel his warmth from his body and I could feel the strength of his strong hands holding me up. Just like he said he would.

_Look at these hands and my side;  
>They swallowed the grave on that night.<br>When I drank the world's sin,  
>So I could carry you in,<br>And give you life.  
>I want to give you life.<em>

"Johnny, I'm not the only one who can support you. Neither is the gang, there is someone else."

I looked at him confused, but then I realized what he meant.

"But how I am I worthy enough to be loved by Him?" I asked.

"Well He is one person who won't judge you for who you are. He is stronger than anyone in the gang and He can protect you better than we can. You just gotta let Him in. You know what I think we need? I have been sitting here saying don't let anyone judge, but it's exactly what I did." Pony stood up and helped me up to my feet. I was confused on what he was talking about, but he explained.

"Johnny, we've been staying away from going to church because we didn't want people to judge us." He said smiling. I realized in that second that God is the only one who can judge me and He loves me no matter what I look like. I'm his child, and he has an unending love for me.

"Ponyboy, thank you, if it wasn't for you I don't know where I'd be. You are a great friend." I grabbed him and pulled him into a hug. I didn't want to let him go.

I never forgot about that talk with him. Even now as I lay here in the hospital feeling my body weaken every second, I never forgot. I know I'll be loved where I'm going and I know that God gave me the gang to help me through it all. Without them I wouldn't have made it this far. Without Pony I would've never have found God. I am thankful for everything they've done for me. My parents may have hated me, but I found more love in the form of loud, rough-housing greaser boys.

As I wrote my letter to Ponyboy I thought of the football games in the lot, the long nights at the drive-in, and watching the sunsets with Pony. I may have lived a hard life, dealt with Socs whose eyes were clouded with vanity, but it was worth it, all of it.

But here's my advice for you. Love everyone; don't let the world's view on things shield you from the truth. Most important, love yourself, it's a harsh world, but we all need to find that one person who loves us the most. He is waiting for us all to find Him. I found Him and I'll never forget what he has done for me. I'm gunna miss my friends. But I just hope that they can find that one person, because it would be great to be with them again when it's all said and done.

_And I'll be by your side,  
>Wherever you fall,<br>In the dead of night,  
>Whenever you call,<br>And please don't fight,  
>These hands that are holding you.<br>My hands are holding you._

**Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it! And I'm not sure whether anyone can tell, but I added a little of their song You Are More into the mix! **

**And this may be random but if anyone out there needs someone to talk to I'm here! I know life can be rough, but I'm always willing to lend a hand to anyone who needs it!**

**God Bless! **


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